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:icongricken: More from Gricken


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Poetry by 91816119

Word art by Arcane-Shadow-Razil

Written Stuff by Euxiom


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Submitted on
August 17, 2012
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Never love a mermaid;
She'll rip you into two.
To great white sharks and kraken
She'll feed the lower you.
Then with her magic music
She'll lull you into sleep,
And when you wake
You'll find a tail
Instead of legs and feet.
You will never walk again
Or live again on land.
You'll follow her  throughout the deep,
A slave to her demands.
And when she's bored and tired of you
She'll pull out your tail
Force it onto someone new
And leave you there to flail.
To the ocean floor you'll sink
With only half of you,
Still thinking of the mermaid
Who ripped you into two.
I'm trying to get my writing groove back. :shifty: Tell me if I failed. Come and attack me with your criticism. But do so softly; I am fragile.


Still, I am happy I finished writing something. I haven't been able to finish anything in months. :happybounce:
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:iconxxpiggiezxx:
XxPiggiezxX Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
nice
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:iconpinballwitch:
pinballwitch Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012
Congrats on DLD :D catchy melodious rhyme and a sad love story to boot. Nice!

I guess for whatever reason "A slave to her demands" seemed like a sort of off-line to me (even though it pairs nicely with "land")--I think the term "slave" was it (even though it makes sense context-wise and meaning-wise and all that, it's a sound thing for me). I'm not sure exactly what to do about it, but personally that was the one word that just sounded a little...out of place, sound-wise.
"And bow to her demands"? "And bow at her command"?
And then again it could just be me.
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:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :la:
And thanks for the suggestion. I don't know if I'm going to change it yet; I'll have to give it some thought. (And maybe say the poem out loud for a few times.) :iconthinkingplz:
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow. Thank you! :la:
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:iconpandacat-productions:
PandaCat-Productions Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Student Writer
:eager: This is great! Mermaids and sharks! El Pandacat approves muchly. :icongreatjobplz:
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:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconrlyplz: Oh glorious days! I always knew mermaids and sharks went well together. Your approval--it is golden and shiny and full of hope. :iconcute-plz:
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:iconpandacat-productions:
PandaCat-Productions Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
HOPE. Take my hope and make a necklace for your beautiful neck. :iconloveloveplz:
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:iconthestoragegnome:
TheStorageGnome Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012
I knew mermaids were untrustworthy. :ohnoes: Oh mai I adore this poem... 'specially the ending.
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:icongricken:
Gricken Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course they are, those beautiful, evil things. :iconshifty-eyesplz:

Thanks, Gnomey! Your appreciation means a lot. :iconfinallyplz:
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